I call unto you Cupid, I think we badly need to talk about your aim: of who's who?
I had in mind a whole bunch of questions, all with uncertain interpretation. Yet when I seemingly find the answers, I'd still question the answers. Ugh! When will this unending question and answer portion be brought to peace? Talk about complexity. Talk about love. Complexities of love.
I, in my own admission, am a hopeless romantic. I would seek even under the depths of this fallen world; the man of my dreams, my prince charming, my romantic ideal and my better half. Hey, will you not do the same if you had the chance? My standards aren't high though, I suppose. Hihi. I knew he won't be perfect, I'm not perfect myself either, but I know with certainty we'll be perfect for each other, cheezy.
Fine! I envy those in a serious, stable relationship/s. The cute couple perfected together. They're like everywhere! The thought of having someone there with you seemed so comforting. I badly wanted to see myself in the same plight.
Badly...
It's been quite some time now since I ended my last real relationship. To the point that I almost forgot how love works for me and honestly, I miss the feeling.
My memory about love could recall a couple of good things. A mixture of powerpuff's sugar, spice and everything nice. It's when you hardly sleep because finally reality has become way better than your dreams. There's this energy that runs throughout your system while you remember that special person, which is every rising minute. Recognizing that every well written love song is seemingly personally dedicated for you and your lover. Silly smiling while simply holding your phone coz he just texted you something that could turn your worst day into a bliss. When the world seemed to circle only around the two of you, the rest doesn't matter coz you won't mind either. I could sing the "perfect two" song now to describe how it felt to love and be loved. A medley of a thousand sublime and indescribable feelings. I crave for that feeling...
Then I found a reason to ponder, was it merely all about the good feelings? Nah. Beyond what feels good back to what is good. Romance can surely thrill us to our core, but we're unaware that the core of our being is deceitful.
I don't want to sound bragging, but what's really ironic is that despite my longingness for love, I don't entertain suitor/s. Hah! I bet you figured why I'm still single, right? And probably at the back of your mind you would disclose a statement that would say, "Stupid! You won't find him in any way if that's the case!"
I've been reading this book for like ages now, I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris. Immerse with the title itself. And honestly, unlike any other book, it took me a great deal of time to finish this one slender book. Every time I'm turning its pages I find myself in disbelief of whether I could concede to its message (I'm still on the process). More often than not, I find myself guilty of his plead. Ever wondered, is there a better way then? To find my Mr. *Ehem*? The book answered: a big yes!
He pointed that we should confide our lovelife to God first to discover that He has something even better. Entrust it to Him above all, and everything else follows. It may sound disheartening, but with all confidence, I could say it's the best way. I can't really give you a quintessence on how Mr. Harris placed it into pieces of advices, but it sure made me realize my sentiments. I then suggest you read its contents. Good for you if you already did and I bet were on the same ground of struggling still.
It brought me to the conclusion that even as I'm approaching my finish line, If God would agree, I wanted my next relationship to be my last relationship. As Mr. Harris would say, "The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment." It sure is! Believing that I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship yet before I'm ready for commitment and marriage. That sounds a bizarre? Too young to give in to those words? I don't care. I just wanted love that doesn't conform to the world's attitudes nor to our own desires, but looking up love in God's dictionary. Much as it sounds like a religious pursuit, it's not. And besides, there's nothing even better than to commit to someone who's sure of marriage with you one day. That's basically saving you your most precious time which you can never bring back plus the alleviation of heartache. Sparing you the, I love you today, but tomorrow is another day. And to safeguard a future that will not end up in the accustomed broken family. I bet we've come to the end of our little, warm, fuzzy side of love. Stop the fling. We're mature beings here. Why not look for love that brings a lifelong commitment then?
As the days are passing and I'm still in search of my knight in shining armor, which I have no idea if we'd met someplace already. I know he's in search of me too! =)
You're worth the wait, mister. I'm excited, really. God never fails. In wishful thinking... I hope the time is near...
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